I've been up since 5:30 this morning. Tossing and turning, unable to rest. So many things on my mind. Some that aren't worth stressing over and others that I know are just there to try and steal my joy. Thankfully, my husband has been working all week-end. It sounds harsh but it allows me time to deal with my thoughts without feeling on edge. Last night was an off night for me. Why can't men understand that you can also have mood swings and that you tire out just as easily as they do? I mean, they take everything personally instead of just doing the simple thing......listening. Sometimes I just need to be able to say that I am just tired and I feel snappy. I'm pretty good about reading myself and know when I am being "ill". I'm also pretty upfront about stating that I feel agitated and I'm good about asking for a bit of space to "deal." It doesn't have to be caused by anything that anyone has done. Sometimes I believe men are harder to raise than children.
I'm hoping that today I will be able to throw my emotions and thoughts into doing some housework and even some preschool crafting. By the time my hubby gets home from work, maybe I will be more content and less stressed. It's nothing that he's done.....it's a difficult month for me. Memories resurfacing, pain intensifying. Yes, I know that I am in control of whether or not I allow them to control me. And I know that God is merciful and that He is by my side comforting me without having to speak a word to Him. Hmm....if only others could understand our pain the way our Father does without us having to give an hour long explanation.
25 years ago this month...... The only one besides me that experienced every detail of the events that took place then is my God and I know that He will once again carry me through.
I think I may try and rest a bit..... keyword: TRY