I have such a hard time understanding.....

Well, as yesterday, I was home sick again today. I slept most of the morning just to try and gain some strength. Tomorrow has to be a normal day for me. I go crazy sitting around here with no one to interact with and nothing to do! There is only so much the internet can offer!!! Not to mention I miss my preschoolers............a week-end without them is tough enough. They bring joy to my life and give me more reasons to smile. Especially when things are going tough.

It seems as though everything difficult is flying my way this week: fighting with Eric over custody of the boys, dealing with issues relating to my victimization, trying to make ends meet with the economy the way it is......and then being sick on top of that! And of course, there is Ray and some of the things going on in his life that I would like to just "fix"!!! He's been so supportive of me and I know it's difficult for him to sit back and watch me go from a $275,000 home to a trailer with a huge electric bill, but I'm happier. Praise God I've never been a materialistic person. Jerk Eric never gave me a dime anyhow and when he did pay attention to me, it was usually with his hand or cruel words from his lips. Of course, now he wants to play Mr. Kewl Guy b/c he knows his rank is in jeopardy b/c of the adultery and his forceful abusive behaviors. Oh well, just give me want I want and get out of my life and I won't take ya down.

Yes, I've learned to stand up for myself more than ever before. I've learned that if I don't do it, NO ONE will. And I sit back and look at the things Ray's ex-wives have done to him and it makes me want to take on his problems as well. Even though I don't want to be married to Eric anymore & I loathe him for everything he's done to me and put me through, I couldn't use his kids against him. That's not fair to my boys!! Sometimes people really need to stop and think about who they are actually hurting and in Ray's case...........the kids are the one's getting hurt. I am a firm believer in "reaping what you sow". I've see it happen several times in my life and I know that God takes care of His own. Just as with Eric, I know that those women will have everything fall back on them ten fold at some point in their lives. And that's sad b/c that means they will have pain in their lives. Truthfully, I believe it's already there....



Well, enough rambling from my mouth today. Can't ya tell I haven't interacted with another human since Monday?? LOL Well, other than Ray and the boys...........

Hope everyone stays healthy and that you don't catch this crazy bug!!