I am so glad that this is the last day of this year of pain and tears. I just know that 2009 will be so much better. Resolutions? Sure, I have a few.....to continue to be myself.......to spend all the time with my children that I can and support their goals and dreams for the future......continue my therapy to get passed all the pain that others have placed in my life.......try the hardest I can to forgive those who have turned their backs on me and walked away during my greatest time of need.......and get that divorce........live a life of freedom, happiness, positive encouragement and enjoy the blessings that God has given me.
I pray for everyone's safety and health during this upcoming year. I pray that no one has to walk the path I have walked during the past few months. And I pray for our country now that Barack Obama will be taking over (I'll never address him as President or acknowledge him as our Commander in Chief). I will continue to work with Gov. Huckabee on his upcoming events and positions. And eventually, I'm going to begin scrapbooking again.
Tonight I'll spend my time with the one's that love me and desire to have me in their lives. And that alone will make it a happy '09!! 
I guess you could say it's been a decently productive day. I got to sleep in a bit......enjoy my coffee and cuddle up with the pups on the couch while watching the latest developments involving Gaza and Israel (depressing, isn't it?) Then I had to get the oil changed in the truck and get my nails done. You know what the difference with that is, right? Before, Eric got angry because I did that........now it's the opposite!! If I don't do it Ray gets upset! LOLSo now I need to drive myself to get some work done around the house but I'm finding that sitting here listening to Celine Dion and Kevin Costner is much more relaxing. Actually, I need to get the pups up and moving now that they have their eyes open and seem to be holding themselves up pretty well in their upper body. I can't believe they are already three weeks old and soon will be finding a home of their own (now that's going to be the tough part for me, but if there was a female in the litter, I know we'd keep her). One man around the house is enough!!!!! Not sure what we'll do tomorrow night...........fourteen years ago I was getting married,but I haven't thought of that in forever. If I know us, we'll sit around chillin' with one another and watch movies on the puter. I am ready to kick 2008 out the door and focus on the great accomplishments and happiness I can have in 2009. Most important one: FINISH THE DIVORCE!!!
I wouldn't even classify it as a holiday really. Especially not Christmas. It's so different when kids are grown and not thrilled with the aspect of Santa anymore. After 5 years of begging for a hamster, I finally gave in and took Brandon shopping for that special friend he desired for so long. He has been thrilled ever since. He is constantly updating me on the crazy things that "Yoda" does. I must admit, he is a cute little fellow.Other than shopping around with the boys, exchanging presents and baking for two straight days, things were quiet. We didn't have a tree this year or any decorations. Eric wouldn't give me any of my things. His day will come though. Of course, for the past few years of our marriage he hasn't given me a dime or anything so I have to believe that one day he will know what it's like to be treated so maliciously. I'm a firm believer in reaping what you sow.As far as family, my Uncle Bobby called me first thing Christmas morning to wish me a great day and check up on me to see if I was hanging in there. He's the only one that has never turned his back on me. He knows what I've been through in my marriage....
I'm glad that Eric and my parents have finally formed a bond though after my being with him for 15 years. He never could get on the phone with them when we were together to even thank them for a Christmas gift, but he can speak to them several times a month now......and most of the words out of his mouth I guarantee are lies. But my parents have chosen him. I guess maybe if they found my body in a wooded area after a few months of searching for me they may be more convinced of how cruel he was to me. But that's not gonna happen now because I have an opportunity to get past the pain in my life and move forward to something new.My therapist says that I have a major issue with abandonment. It took me a while to be able to accept that, but after stewing over it for a few days I realized that she was more than right. I've been dealing with that issue since I was 17 and tossed out of the house because I got pregnant. Well, actually before that really. My parents were always splitting up the moment I hit junior high it seemed. But I'm learning who I matter too now. My children know some extent of what I've been through, have to be able to be honest with them so that they know the proper way to treat women and what happens to someone when they are abused. I have terrific therapists, an incredible uncle, a few friends left in my life and new co-workers. I even have great people here that have accepted me into their family in such an awesome and comforting way. I may currently have less financially or materially, but I am much happier knowing that I can be myself. I have such a long road yet to go to get over a lot of the pain and ailments I've suffered in the past 25 years of my life, but I know that I will get there because I am determined not to let others destroy my life or take what I have away from me. And I have the ultimate Healer and Deliverer with me each step of the way. He comforts me and He will restore my heart in His time. I pray for my family each and every day. I pray for those who claimed to be the one's who cared about me and said they were my friends. I pray that they never feel what I am feeling. That they never have to walk a road of abuse or abandonment. I ask for God to help me to forgive them each day as well and I know one day that healing will come.
Well, the puppies have been here for almost a week! She had them sometime during the night last Saturday/early Sunday. We didn't hear a peep out of here. When we awoke, they were cleaned and there were three precious little boys. One was already dead though. So House and Wilson (named after HOUSE MD) are eating well and doing just fine. Mama is taking extremely good care of them and not allowing Meadow or Abby cat even near the bedroom door. They are just precious. Thought I'd post a few pics of them for all to see. Of course, the hard part for me is that we won't be keeping them. I designed a 4 page adoption application that anyone that is interested in adopting one of the puppies has to fill out. I don't want them going to an abusive home or to be neglected in anyway. You all know how my rescue instincts are! As for Meadow, yes, she is currently living here with us. She never went home after Thanksgiving break.
Pugs is living up the road a ways where he can roam free. It was a tough decision to make, but he was happier than anything to be around all the other animals.
As for the rest of things around here, all is still the same. I hear from about 3 or 4 people religiously and the rest are still upset because I chose to live my own life. It hurts, but everyone reaps what they sow eventually. The thing I don't understand is why my parents seem to always take sides with my ex-husbands when they never even associate with them when I'm married. Go figure!! I pray for them daily and pray they will come to their senses to realize that blood is thicker than water, that I am their daughter and that I am the one that needs my family. But I do have family to count on like my cousin and uncle and an entirely new family here. I'm happy..........happier than I have been in a very long time.
Well, enjoy the pics!!! Let me know if you want a pup, I'll send you an application! hehe
