Saturday, November 29, 2008

Post Thanksgiving Day Blues

I hope that everyone had a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving with family and friends. I went all out as usual with the turkey, pies, stuffing, potatoes, green bean casserole, you name it! I'll be eating leftovers for a week or more. But I enjoyed doing it and it made me feel focused and not depressed. Meadow and Pugs are with me for the week-end while the boys and Eric went to his parents. It's been hard not spending the holiday with the boys, but Christmas will soon be here and it will be my turn.

I'm finding out more and more what an arrogant jerk I married. When I came home Thursday evening from visiting some friends, I noticed my back tire was getting flat. Well, Eric had plugged it ON THE SIDE (which I found out yesterday at the tire shop isn't ever suppose to be done). To top that off, my jack wasn't even in my vehicle. Now, let's say I was driving around and my tire blew with my boys in the vehicle. It's the perfect illustration of how much he doesn't give a dang about taking care of me as his wife. When I called and asked him about it last night, of course, he was all cocky since I'm sure his mom was sitting by his side. He said it was "no big deal" and all I had to do was go buy another tire. Sure Eric........I can pull $132 out of my pocket for a tire when I'm trying to make ends meet when you have over $46,000 in your dang checking account alone!! JERK!! I'm glad that I've decided to divorce him. He's always been stingy. What ever I needed I had to purchase with my own earnings. Now, teaching preschool part time doesn't bring in all that much money. Not to mention lately, most of it has been put in the gas tank. But I'm happy with my job and love where I am. God has blessed my life with new folks. But, Eric is the same way with the boys. If they get birthday money, they need to pay their own way to camp or whatever. He refuses to financially take care of his family.

Of course, my family thinks he's a saint. It's okay that he abuses his wife and makes her go without.......do you know that my parents specifically called Eric to wish him a happy thanksgiving but they didn't call their daughter.........I have never been so hurt in all my life as I am right now. I've never turned my back on them when they needed anything.......or just when my mom even needed to vent about problems. Not once have I turned my back on them. I guess that my sister and I just aren't that important to them. We both aren't good enough. But that's okay because I'm finding out that people only care about themselves, their reputations and that family basically means nothing. Yes, it makes my life lonely, makes my therapy more intense, and makes my time alone depressing, but it's meant to be for a reason.

I do know one person that hasn't left my side or condemned me for anything and that's my Savior. One day, everyone will reap what they sow for abandoning me and causing me so much more pain. When your daughter cries out for help you'd think you'd want to help her, not her dang soon to be ex-husband. Funny though because they did the same thing with my first husband. Hated his guts and wouldn't even allow him in their house for the longest time. But when we divorced, he was a dang saint. I pray for them daily and hope that God deals with them before they have to stand before him.

Well, I just needed to vent. Dr. M says it's the best kind of therapy. Write it down and let it out.

2 comments:

Superscrapifragilisticspalidocious said...

Hang in there. It seems rough at times...but this too shall pass. Remember He always takes us from glory to glory. In other words, watch out....God is freeing you up for something grand. Look for it, expect it, it is what He promised. If you can find the song from Ginni Owens, If you want me to. It got me through some rough times. ...one of the verses is "the pathway is broken and the signs are unclear. And I don't know the reason why you want me here. But if all of these trials bring me closer to you...then I will walk through the valley if you want me to." It's an amazing song. Also Hinds Feet in High Places...great book. I went through some rough times and I didn't understand why, these things helped.

Mary said...

Praying for you, Rhonda.
- Your Hucks Army friend,
marybunton