Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Sad Good-byes.....

It's been a long time since I have posted here. My intentions at the end of 2010 was to be more active in the blog world and I had set high standards for myself when it came to crafting more. All that changed though because it just wasn't meant to be I guess.

The first week of January, a past co-worker and very dear friend died suddenly. That shook me up quite a bit. Then a few weeks later, my husband and I went to visit my grandmother at the nursing home she was in just to find out she had been taken to the hospital that morning. When we arrived, she was very close to death. No one in the family was notified by her POA (her son) that she was in such bad shape. If had not been for me following the nagging in my heart to visit that day, we may have never known.

Being there meant confronting my uncle (although I DO NOT consider him that because of what he did to me when I was younger). It was difficult but worth the risk. His desire was for me to leave and for no one to be with her, except for himself. I knew my rights and fought hard to remain with my grandmother. It did take involving law enforcement and praise God they were on my side. My uncle was told that he could not make me or any other family leave her side. Of course, I knew no matter what that I wouldn't leave! The doctors and nurses were surprised that she lived until lunch that day. I kept preparing myself for that final moment to be with her. My husband returned home due to work and I remained at the hospital by her side all night. Granted, after the scene my uncle put on stating that he wanted to be with her, he was nowhere to be found.

The next morning, we decided to take her to Hospice. It's hard to say that something during death is wonderful, but the Hospice home was where she deserved to be. It was immaculate! The staff was so kind and supportive. They explained every little detail to me and once again, I was by her side alone. I welcomed being alone with her though. It meant I didn't have to be in the same room as Satan himself. I never left her side. I slept in her bed Monday and Tuesday night and I was there holding her hand on Wednesday morning when she left this world to meet her Savior. I have no doubt that she is an angel looking down upon us.

My life had taken a turn down a road that I didn't want to travel then. She had to be taken back to West Virginia for burial and her POA (aka my uncle) wasn't going to the funeral because he was afraid of everyone else. I left the Hospice home and went shopping for her final clothing. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to find something fitting for her personality. It was hard, on the other hand, to not be prepared mentally for all that I had to undertake with no preparation. But I knew I was doing it for HER and no one else.

The funeral service was hard. It was harder for me to let go because I have been the only family member around her during the past year or so. She had lost a tremendous amount of weight and we decided that she should have a closed ceremony. She wasn't the same person that everyone knew. Physically or emotionally to be honest. I will always treasure the last 6 months that I had with her. God blessed me with those memories and now I am struggling to face the fact that I have to let go. I'm not ready yet. I still have boxes of her belongings that I want to donate to a nursing home, but I can't bring myself to do it yet. I know the right time will come.....and I am so angry at so many people and issues right now. She didn't have to die the way that she did. She died of a UTI and bed sore because the home didn't take care of her. It had gotten into her blood stream. It's all just so unreal. And I am so hurt by some of my family members because they didn't step up and be the person they should have been during her death. But everyone has to stand before God themselves and answer for the way they let her down.

So, today, I'm trying to get back on track with my life. I am so thankful that I have a wonderful job that I truly love. I have been burying myself in preschool work and it has been such a stress reliever for me and I'm accomplishing something great for the kids as well.

I have so much to share with everyone and I can't wait to do it. Just be patient with me and hang in there. Right now, I'm just putting one foot in front of the other.....one day at a time.

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